Writing by on Monday, 13 of March , 2006 at 7:42 am
It is official, America is perfect I guess. The state of Tennessee has eradicated poverty, eradicated the hungry and the state of Tennessee is a utopia within the United States, I guess? I come to this conclusion because the Tennessee state legislature is SO board that it has nothing to do, so it has decided to out law sex toys… No, I am not kidding.
From the Nashville Scene (bolds are mine)
Thank God the state legislature is back in session. When they’re gone, political columnists are forced to take up serious topics like the deputy governor lobbying subordinates on local political issues, U.S. national vulnerability to cyber-attack and the police chief threatening to storm out of a neighborhood meeting. But now that America’s dumbest criminals have reconvened their lawmaking body, it’s easy street for journalistic bottom-feeders to meet deadlines.
To wit: Senate Bill 3794 (House Bill 3798), legislation that would make it illegal to sell, advertise, publish or exhibit to another person “any three-dimensional device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs….” For that matter, if you offer to show someone your dildo collection—or possess a vibrator with the intent to show it to someone—you’d be violating this proposed state law. And don’t even think about wholesaling those three-dimensional sex toys.
Of course, as with all good public policy, state Sen. Charlotte Burks and Rep. Eric Swafford have included a few exemptions for responsible dildo-users. College students and faculty are allowed to enter the sex-toy trade—as long as they are “teaching or pursuing a course of study related to such device,” like Auto-Erotic Stimulation 101. Your doctor or psychologist will similarly be authorized to prescribe the regular use of a sex toy “in the course of medical or psychological treatment or care.” And finally, employees of historical societies, museums, public libraries and—wait for it—school libraries are allowed to traffic in devices named Thruster, The Emperor and The Horny Hare, provided they’re doing their official duties. That means the Carnton Plantation would remain free to put up that “Dildos of the Antebellum” exhibit Robert Hicks has been pitching.
What do Burks and Swafford have against genital stimulation? Your guess is as good as ours. At press time, staff members hadn’t returned messages left Tuesday morning, probably because it’s hard to defend such stupid ideas. Attorneys for the state of Georgia couldn’t defend them either: two weeks ago, a federal appeals court overturned portions of a similar Georgia law on the grounds that advertising bans violate free speech rights.
Look I have seen men from Tennessee, outlawing these devices is crule because that would mean that gals would have to bed these felle’s, that should be outlawed!
Technorati Tags: Humor, republicans, Thats Gay, The Radical Right
Category: Humor, Thats Gay, Republicans, The Radical Right
Writing by on Wednesday, 1 of March , 2006 at 4:21 pm
- Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can’t find Bin Laden" diversion.
- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
- The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
- A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
- HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
- Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet
- The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
- You support states’ rights, but Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 80’s is irrelevant.
Technorati Tags: Humor, Life in Bushs America, Republicans Hate Americans, Right Wing Hypocrisy
Category: Humor, Life in Bushs America, Right Wing Hypocrisy, Republicans Hate Americans
Writing by on Tuesday, 15 of November , 2005 at 9:50 pm
We all know that if you type the word failure into a Google Sreach Box the FIRST listing is Biography of President George W. Bush, and it is true!
Well Google who searches the web and links words with search results. So what do you get when you type in the word Terrorist Sympathizer, You get…
===The Official Web site of Bill “Falafel” O’Reilly===
It is true, look for yourself. And once again, it is true!!
Technorati Tags: Humor, Media, republicans
Category: Media, Humor, Republicans
Writing by on Tuesday, 15 of November , 2005 at 9:40 am
Technorati Tags: Bush Lies, Humor
Category: Humor, Bush Lies
Writing by on Wednesday, 9 of November , 2005 at 10:23 am
Kansas, has ushered in what we like to call, the New Dark Ages! The Kansas board of education has approved the new science teachings of
Technorati Tags: Crazy Evangelicals, Humor
Category: Humor, Crazy Evangelicals
Writing by on Wednesday, 2 of November , 2005 at 10:53 pm
Someone should maybe stop pulling the strings to tight.
I have looked at it for the last few moments, and I can not fathom what she is tiring to look like. She looks like she just say a horror flick, or even better, she say her husband
Technorati Tags: Humor
Category: Humor
Writing by on Monday, 31 of October , 2005 at 12:42 pm
In an exchange with CBSNEWS Press.
John Roberts:
Technorati Tags: Humor, Judges
Category: Humor, Judges
Writing by on Sunday, 30 of October , 2005 at 10:49 am
- Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
- Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
- Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
- Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
- Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
- Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
- Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
- Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
- Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
- Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Technorati Tags: Crazy Evangelicals, Humor, Thats Gay
Category: Humor, Crazy Evangelicals, Thats Gay
Writing by on Saturday, 29 of October , 2005 at 12:59 am
Now we all know the Onion is satire rag, it is meant to be funny. Well this weeks
Technorati Tags: Absent Media, Failed Presidency, Humor
Category: Humor, Failed Presidency, Absent Media
Writing by on Thursday, 20 of October , 2005 at 11:00 am
Technorati Tags: Humor, Life in Bushs America
Category: Humor, Life in Bushs America
Writing by on Thursday, 20 of October , 2005 at 10:32 am
Oh my, this is some funny stuff. Michelle and dare I say it Jim Bob Duggar from the great state of Arkansas want more, if “God blesses us with more”
So I read this from Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist, and almost fell out of my chair.
ho are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that’s right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost?
And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband — whose name is, of course, Jim Bob and he’s hankerin’ to be a Republican senator and try not to wince in sociopolitical pain when you say that — isn’t more than a little numb to the real world, and that bringing 16 hungry mewling attention-deprived kids (and she wants more! Yay!) into this exhausted world zips right by “touching” and races right past “disturbing” and lurches its way, heaving and gasping and sweating from the karmic armpits, straight into “Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you people?”
But that would be, you know, mean. Mean and callous to suggest that this might be the most disquieting photo you see all year, this bizarre Duggar family of 18 spotless white hyperreligious interchangeable people with alarmingly bad hair, the kids ranging in ages from 1 to 17, worse than those nuked Smurfs in that UNICEF commercial and worse than all the horrific rubble in Pakistan and worse than the cluster-bomb nightmare that is Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise having a child as they suck the skin from each other’s Scientological faces and even worse than that huge 13-foot python which ate that six-foot alligator and then exploded.
It’s wrong to be this judgmental. Wrong to suggest that it is exactly this kind of weird pathological protofamily breeding-happy gluttony that’s making the world groan and cry and recoil, contributing to vicious overpopulation rates and unrepentant economic strain and a bitter moral warpage resulting from a massive viral outbreak of homophobic neo-Christians across our troubled and Bush-ravaged land. Or is it?
Is it wrong to notice how all the Duggar kids’ names start with the letter J (Jeremiah and Josiah and Jedediah and Jesus, someone please stop them), and that if you study the above photo (or the even more disturbing family Web site) too closely you will become rashy and depressed and you will crave large quantities of alcohol and loud aggressive music to deflect the creeping feeling that this planet is devolving faster than you can suck the contents from a large bong? But I’m not judging.
Oh there is a lot more, go and read and smile!
Technorati Tags: Crazy Evangelicals, Humor
Category: Humor, Crazy Evangelicals
Writing by on Wednesday, 19 of October , 2005 at 9:17 am
Let us look at the evidence and you decide.
We have burned through the Alphabet names for storms, and we have had how many cat 4 and 5 storms?
Take a look at this photo of Wilma taken this morning, you can see the face of Bush in it
This is a clear sign from god that Bush is a destructive force. I also conclude from this that Jesus hates baked beans (As you can plainly see in the circle, a pile of beans). You will also notice that god is sending us a clear sign that we should fear evil cartoon moose, and that they may come from Italy, or this could be a tube sock, gods message is a little unclear.
UPDATE: Me and my team of Religious scholars (My cat Java (Rev Javicus the Dark) and my dog Duffy (Arch Bishop Duffy the Vampire Slayer) notice something else. Follow Bush
Technorati Tags: Humor
Category: Humor
